The role and responsibilities of the father in the upbringing of children. The role of the father in the upbringing of children in the family Newspaper the educational role of the father in the family
- 92.00 KbMoscow State University of Technology and Management K.G. Razumovsky
Institute: "Social and Humanitarian Technologies"
Direction: 050400 "Psychological and pedagogical education"
Test
By discipline: "Psychology of the family and family education"
"The role of the father in family education"
Performed:
2nd year student of the West Federal District 050400 p.f.o.
Smirnova Natalya Alekseevna
Moscow 2012
- Paternity
- father and child
Classification of the father's relationship to the child.
The role of the father in the upbringing of the boy
The role of the father in the upbringing of the girl
The influence of the father on the mental development of the child
- Bibliography
1. Paternity
Paternity as a psychological phenomenon is the subject of few works (Yu.V. Evseenkova, I.S. Kon, M. Mead, R.V. Ovcharova). Most authors understand fatherhood as an innate feeling that encourages a man to act in relation to a child (or his children) with compassionate responsibility. Paternity is also defined simply as the blood relationship between father and child. However, there is also an opposite point of view. Based on numerous intercultural studies, M. Mead came to the conclusion that one of the most important characteristics of fatherhood is its social determinism, it is “the social acquisition of mankind” (M. Mead, 1998). Therefore, the paternal instinct is not innate, it is the result of social learning.
Modern researchers identify the following stages in the ontogeny of paternity (R.V. Manerov, 2003).
The first stage is the formation of the matrix of paternal attitude. In addition to the cultural and social status of a man, associated primarily with cultural and family traditions, the characteristics of a father's attitude are also determined by his own mental history of mankind. During ontogenesis, such types of experience as the relationship with one's father (or the lack of such relationships), its comprehension and interpretation, especially in connection with sexual life and marriage, influence the relationship of the father to his child, to his paternity.
The second stage is the beginning of one's own psychological adaptation to the father's role, the beginning of the formation of the "I-concept" of the father. It starts from the moment when a man finds out that his wife is pregnant. The reaction of a man to this news is largely determined by how the first stage went, that is, how the matrix of paternal attitude was formed. A study was conducted in Kemerovo, during which the hypothesis was tested that the stages of the formation of the paternal sphere should have their own characteristics and do not correspond to the stages of the formation of the maternal sphere. This hypothesis was confirmed, the following results were obtained: most women feel like mothers for the first time during pregnancy, and men - after the birth of a child. Changes in the emotional sphere of a pregnant woman, expressed in defensive reactions as regression, infantilism, “launch” in a man - the future father, the desire to take care and patronize, to demonstrate in relation to the pregnant wife those feelings and responsibility that he will show in relation to the child ( Yu.V. Evseenkova, 2002).
The third stage is associated with childbirth and the birth of a child.
And, finally, the last, fourth stage is marked by the fact that the father is included in the process of caring for the child. At this stage, a man feels like a father for the first time, but it is this period that is one of the most difficult and stressful in his life.
The essence of stress lies in the fulfillment by a man of several roles at the same time: “husband”, “father” (within the family) and “breadwinner” - a person who provides for the family (out-of-family aspect of activity). As a rule, a man is not able to meet all the requirements of these roles, since he does not have the physical capabilities and time to fulfill the requirements of the roles in a quality manner.
2. Father and child
Many men believe that caring for a child is not a man's job. This is a misconception. You can be a gentle father and a real man at the same time.
It is known that spiritual intimacy and friendly relations between the father and children have a beneficial effect on the character of the child and on his entire subsequent life. Therefore, it is better if a man from the very beginning tries to become a real father, comprehending this complex art together with his wife. In some cities, courses for parents are organized, where experienced doctors teach child care. If, in the first two years, the father leaves all the care of the child to his wife, she will forever remain the main one in all matters relating to the child. Later, it will be much more difficult for the father to start exercising his father's rights and obligations.
It does not matter how many times the father feeds the child or changes the diaper, but he must definitely do this from time to time. For example, a father may feed the baby at night (from a pacifier) in the first weeks when the mother is still very weak, or wash diapers on Sunday. The father can regularly go with the child to the children's clinic. The father can help in many other matters. Of course, there are fathers who have goosebumps at the mere thought of the need to care for a child. Such fathers are likely to love their children very much later, "when they are more like people." In addition, many fathers are simply embarrassed to take part in the care of the child and they need to be encouraged to do so.
The father performs a number of extremely important family functions in the family. A prerequisite for the implementation of many of them is his authority, personal qualities, by virtue of which his behavior is "teaching", on the example of which children learn how to solve various problems that arise in the course of relationships; father's judgments have increased significance, persuasiveness for them. The direct opposite in this regard is the situation when the father suffers from alcoholism or exhibits psychopathic character traits. So, a weak-willed, aggressive, dependent father, who himself requires custody, creates a “functional void” in the process of education. His children have to independently and, therefore, with less success, “find”, “develop” the necessary qualities.
According to A. Adler, the ideal father is one who treats his children as equals and takes an active part, along with his wife, in their upbringing. A father must avoid two mistakes: emotional isolation and parental authoritarianism, which, oddly enough, have the same consequences. Children who feel the alienation of their parents usually pursue the goal of achieving personal superiority rather than superiority based on social interest. Parental authoritarianism also leads to a defective lifestyle. The children of despotic fathers also learn to fight for power and personal rather than social dominance. The role of the father in education is to encourage activity aimed at developing social competence. If the mother gives the child the opportunity to experience the intimacy of human love, then the father paves the way for the child to human society. The father is for children a source of knowledge about the world, work, technology, contributes to the formation of socially useful goals and ideals, their professional orientation.
The father becomes a person interested in the socialization of the child and in his progress towards independence. The father shows approval when the child earns it. The father, like the mother, unconditionally loves the child, but at the same time his approval depends on the behavior of the baby. In this way, nature provides balance and encourages social behavior. Later, the father will more and more clearly become a representative of society and, showing by his example what is expected of the child, will lead him to choose behavior that corresponds to certain traditions, of which the child will also be a part.
Classification of the father's relationship to the child.
There are two paternal types, depending on which psychological need for men is stronger - to patronize, care for or teach:
- men who are eager to take care of, paternity captures with all its force only in the first years of a child's life, when he is weak, helpless, defenseless, and his crying causes an impulse to come to the rescue;
- for other men, the leading need is to teach, to transfer their knowledge and skills, i.e. make the child literally his heir.
There is another classification of fathers:
- Big friend. Returning from work, this dad immediately starts an endless series of games: first he assembles and disassembles the designer together with the child, then he plays hide and seek and tag. But |usually, the "big friend" stops there, confident that he did everything that was needed. And visits to the pediatrician, school visits, help in preparing lessons ... He leaves all these small, from his point of view, chores to his mother. “Big friend” is wonderful, but given that a child will have many friends in life, then who will be his father.
- Family leader. The most traditional type of father. All household chores are not interesting to him. This is a man who feels at ease only when he is engaged in a man's business. He is confident that his presence gives the child a sense of security. In addition, he teaches him all the necessary skills.
- Exceptional dad. This is a father who sometimes understands her traditional duties even better than her mother! The only thing mother-parents risk is to get carried away and become ... another mother, i.e. competitor, not complement.
- Forever young husband. He loves the child and is always ready to help his wife. But he can't give up his motorcycle, his friends, his favorite pastimes. In addition, he is unable to get rid of the impression that the mother is doing too much with the child. Why mess around with his classes for two hours or be so upset about his grades?
So, there are a variety of types of paternal attitude towards a child. But, despite these differences, many researchers highlight the general importance of the father in the development of the child. In our time, no one is surprised that many men are present at the birth of their wife. And this does not pass without a trace either for the father or for the child. For example, fathers who provide assistance during or immediately after childbirth note that they almost immediately became attached to the child, felt emotional uplift, pride, and grew in their own eyes. The data of many studies suggest that fathers who held the child in their arms immediately after birth continued to play more with their children and take care of them in the future. This attitude on the part of the father is very important for the development of the child. So, according to the results of one study, children whose fathers actively participated in their upbringing showed higher marks on tests of psychomotor and mental development.
The role of the father in the upbringing of the boy
From the point of view of existential analysis, the father is, one might say, the first concrete image of God that develops in a child. The father is not for us the prototype of everything divine, rather the exact opposite is true: God is the prototype of fatherhood. Only ontogenetically, biologically, biographically, the father is primary; ontologically, God is primary. Although psychologically the child-father relationship precedes the man-God relationship, ontologically the first relationship is not a model, but a reflection.
E. Fromm assigns a special role to the father in education - to be a model of a man, to form a masculine attitude to life in boys, but at the same time not to make excessive demands.
A father brings up a man in a little son. He teaches how a man should look, how he should treat women. Gradually, the child develops an idea of what a man should be, what a woman should be, what kind of relationship should be between them. And he experiences certain difficulties if the parents do not show signs of gender, or if they do not take into account the characteristics of each sex and do not recognize the value of both sexes.
If parents do not find suitable ways to express their sexual characteristics, the child has a rather vague idea of \u200b\u200bwhat men and women should be like, how to appreciate and love people of the opposite sex. The child should learn as much as possible from adults about the characteristics of each sex. This is more difficult to implement in families where there is only one parent or representatives of only one sex. Our task is to present to children such a model of behavior, focusing on which they would feel in the future to be completely harmonious people.
Boys need a tender display of love (bearing in mind that boys often have an even greater need), as do girls in the early years of development. As the boy grows and matures, the need for such physical manifestations of love as hugs and kisses decreases, but the need for physical contact remains. Then he is more attracted to the male line of behavior. All this fuss, wrestling, pats on the shoulder, brawls, playful fights allow the boy to demonstrate growing strength and dexterity and feel the male support of his father. For a boy, all these "bear pranks" are no less important means of showing attention and physical contact than "veal tenderness" and girly lisping. Remember that a child will never outgrow the need for both types of physical contact.
If, for example, a man participates in his son's school affairs, he thereby declares them important, masculine. It is the father who must explain to the boy the need to study as a prerequisite for successful intellectual work. The father should explain this to his son clearly and frankly, using his own life experience as an example. If the father has the respect of his child, then such a conversation will greatly outweigh the influence of negative factors that take place in the school. It is great if the child has the opportunity to communicate with the father's friends. Thus, he not only gets an additional opportunity to learn the real forms of male behavior in all their diversity, but also an important confirmation that having a good education, reading books and even poetry, listening to serious music does not mean being a girl at all. Clearly, we are not talking about "friends" from the neighborhood of the liquor store. Children growing up in such families are a tragedy that requires separate consideration. It is highly desirable that help in school affairs, when asked for, should be provided to the boys by their fathers. In those cases, when it comes not to problems, but to difficulties in relations with classmates or teachers, this is simply necessary from the point of view of gender identification. It is also ideal if a first-grader boy is taken or driven to school by his father. Thus, the boy receives daily confirmation that school and study are a really important and quite masculine thing, since dad spends some part of his time on it every day, especially if he is really a very busy person.
Description of work
Paternity as a psychological phenomenon is the subject of few works (Yu.V. Evseenkova, I.S. Kon, M. Mead, R.V. Ovcharova). Most authors understand fatherhood as an innate feeling that encourages a man to act in relation to a child (or his children) with compassionate responsibility. Paternity is also defined simply as the blood relationship between father and child.
Lecture for parents."The role of the father in family education"
Target: the study of the role of the father in the upbringing of adolescents.
Base: MBOU secondary school No. 1 of the Surgut city of Lyantor.
Cl. hand.8b.kl Zorina O.R.
If you're thinking a year ahead, plant a seed.
If you're thinking decades ahead, plant a tree.
If you think forever ahead, educate a person.
Eastern wisdom.
But, and if we turn to the great Confucius: “If you want to change the state, start with the provinces. If you want to change provinces, start with districts. If you want to change districts, start with cities. If you want to change cities, start with the streets. If you want to change the streets, start with the houses. If you want to change the houses, start with the family. If you want to change your family, start with yourself."
At the heart of any achievements of human relations is love. For example, Love to motherland gives rise to patriotism, respect for one's ancestors, love for neighbor- compassion and kindness, decency, love for children- Sacrifice and responsibility.
Parental love must be wise and patient. It is not enough just to give birth to a child, to give him a physiological life, you must be able to open the way for him to love, to inner freedom, faith and conscience, to everything that is the source of spiritual character and true happiness.
Parental love should be based on understanding and respect for the personality of the child, the desire to understand, see and appreciate the world through his eyes. Only then is there a common language, and the contradictions between the two generations are eliminated. Become a wise friend and mentor of your child, try unobtrusively. Gently directing the child's thoughts in the right direction without destroying his own initiative - these are the conditions for true parental love.
Yes, such parental love is not built on sand that will wash away the first turbulent stream of life's difficulties. She is sacrificial, like any true love, not demanding and not exchanged, wise and patient. She is not afraid to be alone, because she understands that if loneliness and non-reciprocity befall her, then she herself was stupid and meager, which means she could not teach to love the one to whom she devoted herself.
It is destined to teach love to parents themselves and to teach their children all their lives, day after day. The main thing is to gain wisdom, to be sincere. What blessings and joys for all those around can be given by wise parental love, which has nurtured the best spiritual qualities in a person and revealed in him an amazing ability to love!
The center of love in the family, the example and role model for the child is the mother. But sometimes she physically does not have enough time, if the husband is not yet a like-minded person in the common cause of education, but only a one-sided consumer of strength and attention, then the child is actually deprived of a correct understanding of love and the upbringing of this high feeling.
In the work of A.N. Radishchev "Journey from St. Petersburg to Moscow" in the chapter "Crosses" vividly describes an example of true parental love - a wise father does not require momentary and formal gratitude from children for their birth, upbringing and feeding. He only wanted to "plant friendship in their souls, but not a duty, not a position or slavish obedience." You owe me neither for nourishment nor for instruction, but least of all for birth.
No doubt there are many similarities in how fathers and mothers behave towards their children. And yet, mothers differ from fathers in what activities each of them pays more attention to. These differences are manifested in their content. for example, such an activity with a child as a game. The very style of play of the father and mother is different. Fathers usually tend to play with children more energetically, show more physical strength. The game between father and child is cyclical, with bursts of excitement in attention followed by periods of minimal activity. But what is interesting, when the father takes the main care of the child, he often behaves the way the mother does. However, it should be noted that the father gives less instructions to the child than the mother, but the nature of these instructions is more rigid and demanding. I. maybe that's why dad is obeyed more often than mom. Although the father's interventions are important, he tends to play a supportive role for the mother in shaping the child's behaviour.
When considering the specifics of the relationship of mother and father to the child, it is worth mentioning the principles underlying the organization of society: mother principle is the principle of unconditional love; a mother loves her children for a reason. That she likes them because they are her children (or the children of another woman). Therefore, motherly love cannot be earned by good behavior, but you cannot lose it by warming it. A mother's love is mercy and compassion. Fatherly love, on the other hand, is conditional; it depends on the achievements of the child and his good behavior; the father loves most the child who is most like him, whom he wants to make heir to his property. The love of a father can be lost, but it can be earned again through repentance and humility. A father's love is justice. M. Maksimov also writes about this: “Mom means that she loves you simply because you are, no matter what you are, good or bad. Mom's love is always with you. Daddy's love must be achieved by trying to be the way he wants to see you ”(M. Maksimov, 1992).
So, we can say that the specificity of the father's position is due to both the biological (natural) characteristics of men and socio-cultural expectations. Only a father is capable of forming a man's attitude to the world by his example and actions. This is especially important in raising boys. The boy needs the friendship and approval of his father. Sons really need the company of their father, his love. And it’s good if children have the opportunity to spend a lot of time with their father, feel his affection and, if possible, help him. The boy begins to feel like a man and behave like a man, thanks to the ability to imitate and take an example from those men with whom he feels a friendly disposition. A father should enjoy spending time with his son, letting him know that he is "his boyfriend." It is useful for them to stay alone at home, without patronage, and sometimes, without the intervention of their mother, go for walks together and have their own, common secrets.
The girl also needs friendly relations with her father. A boy needs a father as a role model, but in the development of a girl, the father plays a different, but no less important role. The girl does not imitate her father, but his approval gives her self-confidence.
Often, when we are going to communicate with a child, we postpone this matter for later, finding ourselves a more interesting activity. And time won't wait...
The child constantly needs the participation of the father, calling to him: “Dad! Let's play!", "Dad, help me!", "Dad, when...?" And, as a rule, all these appeals are refused: “Later”, “After football”, “I have no time”, “I'm going fishing” But the main thing is not to be late with education. The main thing is to educate in yourself and your child the need to spend as much time together as possible from the first days.
In many families, children increasingly feel the lack of paternal care, spiritual communication with their father. Dad is busy at work, returns late, and the child is waiting. But he falls asleep without seeing his father. Days, weeks, months, years go by... It seems that the whole family lives in the same apartment, and the children and fathers do not know each other.
Playing with a child, you yourself, without noticing it, inspire him with a sense of self-confidence and security. The child goes with these feelings through all periods of personality development. And at all life turns he is supported by the invisible hand of his father.
The problem of fathers and children pops up when children grow up. The transitional period passes painlessly in those families where parents and the child have friendly relations from early childhood, where the child is sure that both mother and father are equally interested in everything in his life.
Father's love provides an example of parental behavior of children in the future, the formation of a life position in society. A loving father is often a more effective educator than a woman.
Insufficient experience of communication with the father weakens the formation of paternal feelings in the boy and young man, which often adversely affects the upbringing of his own children in the future.
The role of the father is also great in preparing children for family life. His reliability, sensitive and attentive attitude towards women, children, the desire to share all household chores with them, to make the life of the household more interesting, happy, has a huge impact on the formation of children's ideas about the family. Boys are taught to be real men, good fathers and husbands, and girls are taught to compare their potential husbands with their father and make appropriate demands on them.
Considering that being a parent means helping a child, shaping his character, the concept of “being a good father” means:
be available to the child;
have the desire and patience to explain an unfamiliar phenomenon, objects, experience;
be able to praise for research, successful action;
engage in joint activities with the child;
be responsible for the material provision of the needs of children;
always with interest and participation to monitor the growth of children.
1. Don't expect your child to be like you, or the way you want. Help him become not you, but himself.
2. Do not take out your grievances on the child, so that in old age you do not eat bitter bread, for what you sow, it will come up.
3. Do not treat his problems haughtily: the severity of life is given to everyone according to their strength, and be sure that his burden is no less heavy for him than yours for you.
4. Do not humiliate!
5. Do not torture yourself if you cannot do something for your child,
torture yourself if you can and don't.
6. Remember (to paraphrase one person who said this about the fatherland) - not enough is done for the child if everything is not done.
7. Know how to love someone else's child. Never do to someone else what you would not want others to do to yours.
8. Do not ask your child to pay for everything you do for him: you gave him life, how can he thank you? He will give life to another, that to a third: this is an irreversible law of gratitude.
9. Love your child the way he is: untalented, unlucky, adult... Communicating with him, rejoice, because a child is a holiday.
10. Know! Pride in one's parents is the moral foundation for the rise of a child's personality, and shame is a heaviness in the heart that does not allow a child to gain height.
Conclusion
Thus, the father in the family gives a certain pattern of behavior, is a source of confidence and authority, is the personification of discipline and order.
As a parent, the father is responsible for the upbringing of the children. He needs to master the skills of psychological and pedagogical influence, be highly moral, competent, persistent and democratic. All these positions are closely interconnected and have an impact on the development of the child (directly and indirectly). Wish fathers more self-confidence. Try, try, make mistakes, finally, but please do not remain indifferent to your children. The main thing is to provide freedom in communication, it is she who makes it possible to build those thin skeins that will connect the child and the father.
According to experts, the father represents to the child the world of thought, things created by human labor, law and order, discipline, travel and adventure. A child needs a father all the time, at all stages of development, but especially he begins to need father's love, his power and guidance after the age of five.
So, the father has an important influence on the development of the child. The problem of fatherhood in psychology is poorly developed and is characterized by the absence of any holistic concepts based on empirical research. The data on the role of the father in the development of the child, the negative consequences of fatherlessness, the dominance of the maternal principle in family education, and the need for interaction between motherhood and fatherhood are mainly considered.
The traditional roles of father and man have remained unchanged for many generations. At present, the stereotype of a man, and, consequently, of a father, is undergoing serious changes. Hence, the ideal of a father can be very controversial, include polar qualities. Previously, the father was the embodiment of power and instrumental efficiency, now men are expected to be affectionate and tender, soft and active care for children.
The main role position of a man as a spouse is to be professionally trained enough to provide for himself, his wife, children and other family members, if any.
As a husband, a man today, more than before, is responsible for marital comfort. Spiritual communication between spouses, creative and diverse communication between spouses, contributes to the harmonious development of the personality of both partners.
A man takes an active part in the household activities of the family and, along with his wife and other family members, performs the entire amount of household work.
At an early age, the connection between the child and the mother is more deeply manifested, and then, already in adolescence, the father becomes increasingly important. Children who grew up without a father often have a lower level of aspirations. They have a higher level of anxiety and neurotic character is more often observed. Boys from single-parent families find it more difficult to establish contacts with their peers, it is more difficult for them to master male sex roles and the corresponding style of behavior, they more often than others exaggerate male behavior, show aggressiveness and rudeness.
Scientists prove that children need a father throughout their lives. A child deprived of paternal authority may grow up undisciplined, antisocial, aggressive towards adults and children.
So, the study of fatherhood as a psychological phenomenon is an important problem, since the role of the father in shaping the personality of the child is as important as the role of the mother. In the future, it is necessary to develop an activity concept of fatherhood, which would allow us to consider the target, structural-content and instrumental characteristics of the father's upbringing activity and the subjective-psychological conditions of readiness for it. .
There is a lot of talk today about the role of the father in raising a child. Experts note that it is quite difficult to grow a full-fledged personality, be it a boy or a girl, without male influence. No one denies the possibility of success in the field of education without a father, but as life shows, this is a rarity. After all, it depends on both parents how their children will grow up. What is important is what their parents give them, in particular, the father can give what no one else in the world can give him. Experts recommend not to forget about it, especially when it comes to divorce. Under any circumstances, a man should remain a dad.
In the circumstances of a divorce, both parents must show that they love the child. Your relationship should not affect the child, do not kill his world. After parting with his wife, the husband should not forget about communication with the child. It should be constant, preferably daily. For example, talking with a child on the phone.
If you believe psychologists, then in the "complete" family, children are often deprived of paternal attention. Many fathers are sure that their main role is to earn money, and upbringing falls on the shoulders of the mother. All this is so. But, it will not be superfluous to expand the territory of communication between the child and the father. Communication with each other will allow you to build relationships, learn a lot of interesting things, and most importantly, give mom a time out in business, and the opportunity to take care of yourself.
Many mothers, having taken care of the house and children, forget to involve the father in the upbringing of the child. It seems to them that a man will not be able to properly feed, wash the child, check the lessons or put him to bed. This is wrong. It is important to remember that the spouse is not a small child, but an adult, independent person. He, like a mother, loves her child, and is unlikely to harm him. Experts note that in most cases, the father is more responsible for the process of education. ..
Every family has its own relationship between father and child. According to experts, there are no universal tips, but there are rules that can help in communicating with a child.
1. RESPECT FOR THE MOTHER. The first and basic rule, it also applies to the mother. Even if you are very offended by your other half. Never criticize her in front of the child. Your hostility will only complicate the relationship with the child. In addition, it will cause considerable harm to the psyche of the baby. Because he loves both his parents. Spouses should often remember their love for each other. Even if you are divorced, try to remain friends and loving parents.
2. DAD IS NOT A PERSON, BUT A HOLIDAY. Many fathers need to be aware of this process. Undoubtedly, the father is pleased to see the joyful eyes of the child when he appears on the threshold of the house with a whole bunch of gifts. Another thing is when, being with dad, the child must observe the daily routine, do homework and so on. The main role of the father in education lies in the main thing - the father, first of all, is a friend for the child, a teacher, an example for the child, and not a holiday on two legs. Only in the process of everyday communication, through a personal example of reaction to events, the father shows the child the world of a man. So the girl, he helps to learn to understand people of the opposite sex, and the boy learns to be a man (in the good sense of the word).
3. QUALITY, NOT QUANTITY OF COMMUNICATION. It does not matter how much time the father spends with the child, the whole day, or two hours. Sometimes, in a short period of time, a father can give so much warmth and attention that it will last for a long time. Therefore, it is worth cherishing every minute of communication with the child. Walk, read, have conversations on topics of interest to the child. The role of a father in raising a child is important. After all, a father can give so much interesting things to a child.
This is well reflected in the oriental parable "The King and the Dream"
One king had a terrible dream: one by one, all his teeth fell out. Worried, he called his interpreter of dreams. He listened to the dream with concern and informed the king: “I have sad news to tell you. Just as you lost your teeth, one by one you will lose all your relatives. The interpretation angered the king. He ordered that the soothsayer be thrown into prison. Then he called another interpreter of dreams. This one, after listening to the dream, said: “I am happy that I can tell you the good news: you will become older than all your relatives, you will outlive them all.” The king was happy and richly rewarded the interpreter of dreams. The courtiers were surprised at this: “After all, you have not added anything new to what your unfortunate predecessor said. And how did it happen that he was punished. Are you rewarded?” they asked. The interpreter of dreams replied: “We both interpreted the dream in the same way. But it's not just about what to say, but how to say it.
Literature.
1. The art of educating Yu.P. Azarov. Moscow "Enlightenment" 1985
2. Journal of Education of schoolchildren No. 7 2000, page 42
3. Journal of Education of Schoolchildren No. 1 2003, page 42
4. Journal of Education of schoolchildren No. 6 2001 p 63
5. Journal of Education of schoolchildren No. 10 2003, page 13
6. Journal of Education of schoolchildren No. 3 2003, page 55
7. Magazine Education of schoolchildren No. 3 2004 p 54
Irina Bogomolova
The role of the father in family education. Parent conference dedicated to the holiday on February 23
parent conference« The role of the father in family education» , dedicated to the holiday on February 23
Prepared by teachers of MBDOU kindergarten "Sun" Danilov, Yaroslavl region
Senior educator - Bogomolova I. A., teacher - speech therapist Chesnova L. Yu., teacher-psychologist Usacheva A. V
Leading: Good evening dear parents! We are glad to see you at our meeting, which is dedicated to the role father in family education. And I want to invite to greet our children. (children enter, read poetry, dance)
slide number 2
Leading: Games of our pupils in kindergarten, children's conversations among themselves helped to see a large problem: all children's issues are most often solved by the mother, the mother satisfies both the cognitive interests of the children and the lack of emotional communication. Modern men are very busy, but upbringing child cannot be put off "for later".
At all times great and irreplaceable was the place father in the family. Every man was prepared by nature and society to become a husband, a father. No wonder it is noticed that a person, like a tree, is powerful with its roots. Therefore, entering into marriage, a man takes on a huge responsibility - to be a father, a support for the family. As the researchers point out, "to become a father" And "to be a father"- not the same thing, because the transition to the active educational and educational activity in men is not automatically associated with the birth of a child. The feeling of fatherhood is born somewhat later than the feeling of motherhood.
Father's love, like mother's love, is necessary for the normal development of the child. Lack of attention from mom and dad can lead to a distortion of the worldview and a violation of the behavior of the baby. The mother, as a rule, acting on them with affection, kindness, plays a great role in education humanistic traits. And the formation of purposefulness, perseverance, courage is a matter of concern father. Interest, exactingness, democracy in family relationship on the part of the father has a huge impact on the emotional sphere of the child. Children's ideas about how they "looked in the eyes father» or What would your father say about them? in a given situation, have a significant effect on the formation of behavior and positive self-esteem of the child.
Slide number 4 Our video will tell you how children see their dad. (video clip)
Slides No. 5, 6 Modern fathers have become more inventive, therefore, they come from the initiative to improve everyday life, organization family leisure. They spend much more time with children than they used to, which has a positive effect on children's development.
Traditionally, the father in the family is given primarily disciplining role. It is no secret that the basis of moral education many consider the fear of paternal punishment. Scientific studies show an inverse relationship between severity father and morality son: prohibitions father act only against the background of paternal love, and the sons of harsh fathers are deprived of the ability to sympathy and compassion.
Slide number 7.8 Personal qualities father have a significant impact on a child's development. His love gives a feeling of special emotional and psychological well-being, teaches his son and daughter how a man can show love for children, his wife and others.
Sons largely copy the way of life and thoughts fathers: adopt gait, manner of speaking, gestures, hobbies. From their fathers perceive such traits, as a fortress of spirit, strength, male reliability, enterprise, attitude towards the opposite sex, manhood, the ability to take responsibility, a chivalrous attitude towards a woman and many other traits inherent in a real man, the boy is instilled in the process of communicating with dad.
Slide #9 Unlike a boy, a daughter usually does not imitate her father, but his approval gives her self-confidence. It is very important to show your daughter that dad values her opinion, is interested in her affairs, consults with her. Don't forget about this "most important" for a girl, the circumstance, like her appearance, should be praised for her daughter’s beautiful dress or hairstyle, demeanor and voice. paternal acceptance builds self-confidence, female dignity.
In everyday communication with his daughter and son, the father reacts differently to behavioral manifestations: in boys it encourages activity, determination, endurance; for girls - welcomes softness, tenderness, praises for participating in the preparation of dinner.
Slide number 10 Many perceive a man in the family only as a source of income or a jack of all trades, but no less important is his intellectual contribution to child education. According to scientists, the structures of thinking of men and women are somewhat different. The mind of a man is more focused on the world of things, while a woman is more subtle in understanding people. Men have better developed abilities for mathematics, for spatial orientation, they are more prone to logical reasoning. Women have clear superiority in speech development, in intuition, in speed "grasping" the situation in general.
Slide number 11 It is in the family, watching the roles father and mother, children get an idea about the full-fledged relationship between a man and a woman, about their parental roles, responsibilities, family concerns problems and reasonable ways to solve them.
Modern fathers experience intimacy deeper family life than their grandfathers. Men have many traits favorable for normalization. family atmosphere. Most of them are generous, able "miss" minor troubles, emotionally stable enough, which means they can "leave" from a quarrel, feel humor, so a joke can "scatter the clouds" on family firmament. But these qualities should be stimulated, approved by the wife.
slide number 12
Every father has his own point of view parenting, your style. Therefore, psychologists distinguish several types fathers: (the presenter briefly characterizes each of the types)
"Dad mom"
"Mother, father"
"Karabas - Barabas"
"Toughie"
"Jumping Dragonfly"
"Shirt - guy"
Slides #13, 14
In the plan for our conferences we included a survey of dads. 57 people took part in it. Questionnaire analysis.
We can conclude that next to us are sensitive, caring, patient, wise, always available to children, breadwinners, a little strict, very busy and often at work dads.
Slide number 15 The results of the survey. As the fathers noted in their questionnaires, which is 51 hours, children most often communicate with their mothers. Some of the interviewed dads - 23 hours noted that they also often communicate with children.
Slide №16 The results of the survey on question: "What is father's role in the family?»
Slides No. 17, 18 Dads in their free time with children - play, walk, read books, watch and discuss cartoons, try accustom children to household chores, communicate, talk, draw, sculpt, watch TV, tidy up housing, work in the garden, perform construction work, go to nature, to the river, play on the computer, ride a sled, bicycle, go in for sports (go to the skating rink, to the pool).
Slide #19 Dads try to tell their kids "I love you" and don't forget to praise them. They almost never scold their children in the presence of strangers, sometimes they only make remarks.
Slide number 20, 21
28 Popes Think Punishment Isn't Effective education, the rest are sometimes effective. Many dads tell their kids about their childhood (interesting events, favorite games and toys). All kindergarten dads spend holidays with their children, unfortunately, not all dads have a vacation.
Slide № 22-24 Survey results
Slides No. 25, 26 At the end of each questionnaire, the fathers expressed their wishes to the children.
Slide number 27 Thanks to all the dads who took part in the survey for their sincere and interesting answers.
Slide #28
Presentations families: Malgins, Tsvetkovs, Filippovs, Kukushkins, Mityushkins. Parents talked about experience family education girls and boys and roles father in families
Slide No. 29 Rewarding the head of the preschool educational institution Kudelina O. Yu. speakers parents
Slide number 30
presenter: In preparation for our meeting, we turned to all dads with a request to tell us through photographs about themselves, their work, hobbies, military service. It turned out very bright, memorable wall newspapers. It is simply impossible to convey in words the feelings of love and pride with which the children gave us photos of their fathers.
Slide #31 Many dads responded to our request to show us their skills and craftsmanship. At our exhibition you see various birdhouses, feeders, various types of transport, household items and interior decorations and, of course, toys. And all this was made by the golden hands of our dads, for which many thanks to them.
Slide #32: During celebrations Defender of the Fatherland Day, we offered mothers with children who will prepare a greeting card for you. All postcards are different, but all of them are united by the great love of your loved ones for you, our dads. Today we have the opportunity to celebrate those dads who are particularly active in the life of the kindergarten, group, willingly respond to various requests from kindergarten teachers.
Slide number 33 Rewarding active dads.
presenter: We would like the ranks of such active and skillful dads to grow every year.
slide number 34
For today's meeting, we have prepared booklets that contain various tips on parenting. You can choose the ones you are interested in.
Slide #35 Solution conferences
Slide #36
presenter: We would like to end our meeting like this words: “There is no doubt that throughout childhood it was precisely parents have the greatest impact on the child. The surest way to create the best relationship with your children is to control yourself and not blame the children. The better we learn to understand ourselves and live in harmony with ourselves, the more benefit we will bring to children.
The role of the father in family educationFor the normal development and stable emotional state of children, both female and male influence are necessary. The mother, as a rule, acting on them with affection, kindness, plays a big role in the education of humanistic character traits.
And the formation of purposefulness, perseverance, courage is the subject of father's concern. Interest, exactingness, democracy in family relations on the part of the pope has a huge impact on the emotional sphere of the child, the formation of his positive self-esteem.
As sociological and psychological-pedagogical studies of recent years show, the role of the father in family upbringing has undergone significant changes, and for the better, in comparison with the role of the mother. A few decades ago, the duties of a father were primarily to provide for food and protect the family from external danger, while today both spouses provide for the family financially.
Psychologists note that modern dads experience the intimacy of family life more deeply than fathers of past decades, most of them are quite stable emotionally, they know how to smooth out the "sharp corners" of intra-family relations, and avoid quarrels.
Modern fathers are more inventive, so they take the initiative to improve life, organize family leisure. They spend much more time with children than they used to, which has a positive effect on children's development. But all these wonderful qualities may not manifest themselves if they are not appreciated, approved, and stimulated by the head of the family by other members of the family. And then a man as a father does not fully realize himself.
Traditionally, the father in the family is given primarily a disciplining role. It is no secret that many consider the fear of paternal punishment to be the basis of moral education. Scientific research indicates the presence of an inverse relationship between the severity of the father and the morality of the son: the prohibitions of the father act only against the background of fatherly love, and the sons of harsh fathers are deprived of the ability to empathize and compassion.
One of the most important conditions for the formation of personality is awareness of oneself as a representative of a certain gender. In the development of specific sexual, psychological qualities of men and women, a huge role belongs to the father. In everyday communication with his daughter and son, he reacts differently to behavioral manifestations: in a boy he encourages activity, determination, endurance; the girl welcomes softness, tenderness, praises for participating in the preparation of dinner.
The personal qualities of the father have a significant impact on the development of the child. His love gives a feeling of special emotional and psychological well-being, teaches his son and daughter how a man can show love for children, his wife and others.
The boy needs constant contact with a man. Watching adults, boys unmistakably choose gestures, movements and manners inherent in the stronger sex. And first of all, they copy the behavior of their dad. If a father wants his child to grow up to be a real man, he must spend more time with him, show understanding, express trust and respect.
Such qualities as manhood, the ability to take responsibility, a chivalrous attitude towards a woman and many other traits inherent in a real man are instilled in the boy in the process of communicating with his father.
For the full-fledged upbringing of girls, the formation of a harmonious female character, they, like boys, urgently need constant contacts, joint activities with their fathers. Unlike a boy, a daughter usually does not imitate her father, but his approval gives her self-confidence. It is very important to show your daughter that dad values her opinion, is interested in her affairs, consults with her. One should not forget about such a "most important" circumstance for a girl as her appearance - one should praise her daughter's beautiful dress or hairstyle, demeanor and voice. Fatherly acceptance fosters self-confidence, feminine dignity.
It is in the family, observing the roles of father and mother, that children get an idea about the full-fledged relationship between a man and a woman, about their parental roles, responsibilities, family concerns, problems and reasonable ways to resolve them.
The well-known psychologist E. Bern noted that a warm relationship with dad is extremely valuable for a child. Real fatherhood is much more than just the birth and material support of children, it is responsibility and justice, love for your children and devotion to your family.
Typology of modern fathers
Scientists conditionally distinguish several types of dads: calm, balanced, confident, domineering, anxious and dreary. Taking into account the fact that there is always a masculine connotation in their behavior, besides, the fathers perform different roles, Doctor of Medical Sciences A.I. Barkan offers his own typology of contemporary popes.
"Dad mom"- this is a motherly caring father who takes on all the functions of a mother: bathes, feeds and reads a book. But he does not always manage to do this with due patience. The pressure of the father’s mood puts pressure on the child: when everything is fine, he is caring, kind, sympathetic, and if something goes wrong, he is unrestrained, quick-tempered, even angry. Here and in the house - it’s warm, it’s cold, but the child really wants the golden mean.
"Mother, father" - dad, who sees the main concern in pleasing the child. Acting as a mother and father, he resignedly pulls the parental burden: caring, gentle, mood swings are not characteristic of him. The child, to whom everything is allowed and everything is forgiven, conveniently "settles" on his father's head, turning into a little despot.
"Karabas-Barabas"- an evil, cruel father, who always and in everything recognizes only "hedgehogs". Fear reigns in the family, driving the soul of the child into a labyrinth of dead-end impassability. Punishment as a preventive measure is a favorite method of education. With such a father, it is quite possible that sooner or later a feeling of hatred for the parent will boil and break out.
"Die Hard" - a dad who recognizes only the rules without exception, never compromising, in order to thereby alleviate the fate of the child when he is wrong.
The father who lives in the family, but does not feel like one, is called"Dragonfly Jumper".His ideal is a free bachelor life without responsibility for the fate of loved ones. The family for him is a heavy burden, the child is a burden, the subject of his wife's worries. At the first opportunity, this type of dad turns into a visitor.
He will rush to help anyone, forgetting about his own family, the so-called"Good fellow", "shirt-guy". At first glance, he is both a brother and a friend. It is interesting, easy, fun with him. At the same time, the child lives in an atmosphere of quarrels and conflicts, sympathizing with his father in his soul, but unable to change anything.
"Neither fish nor meat", "under the heel" -dad, who does not have his own voice in the family, echoing mom in everything, even if she is wrong. Fearing the wrath of his wife in difficult moments for the child, he cannot go over to his side to help.
Clearly, many of these types of fathers can have both positive and negative effects on a child's emotional well-being. However, the absence of a father in the family entails even more serious consequences.
Reminder for parents
10 tips for mom to help dad
gain rapport with the child
1. Let dad join the care of the child from the first days of life. At first, this is expressed in simple care: bathing, walking, bottle feeding. Each action should be accompanied by words and a smile addressed to the child.
2. Dads differ from mothers also in that they play other games with children - more mobile and energetic. And kids just love it! Don't react negatively to a game if you don't like it just because it doesn't sound like your child's play.
3. For some reason, dads interact more with their own children in public places, such as a zoo or a circus. Make more of these outings!
4. Dads who spend a lot of time with children become an important figure for them and a model of behavior that the baby follows in the future. The more active such communication, the better the impact on the mental state of the child.
5. Some parents believe that the baby should not be limited in anything, so as not to interfere with the manifestation of his creative abilities. Others expect absolutely adult behavior from the child, responsibility for all words and deeds. Of course, it is better to stick to the golden mean: the child should be aware of the existing limits, but any prohibitions should not completely limit his freedom.
6. Make reasonable demands and insist on their implementation: the child must clearly know what is expected of him. It is easier to maintain desirable behavior than to fight undesirable one.
7. Dads are usually more strict in punishments, so it is important to monitor how categorical a father is. But even if you do not agree with dad's methods of education, in no case do not discuss this issue in the presence of a child, talk in private.
8. The child needs to be praised! But do not forget to praise your dad too - you cannot leave his merits and achievements unnoticed.
9. Remember that your marital relationship is an example for a child that will guide him in his future family life.
10. And the most important advice that can be given to moms and dads -
Love your child! He will definitely remember this for the rest of his life.
Memo "Advice for a loving dad"
- Give your child your free time. After work, I want to relax, but this is the only opportunity to communicate with the child. Ask how the baby spent the day, play with him.
- Hug your child. A father should not be ashamed to show his love. Babies need tactile contact, and not just with mom.
- Play outdoor games with your child, pull yourself up on the crossbar, play football, badminton, and hockey in winter.
- Get your mom's job. The chores that are traditionally considered "mother's" do not have to be her only duties. The father should participate in their fulfillment as much as he can. This is a great chance to show your affection.
- Read books to your child. This is an interesting and entertaining activity, and the habit of reading is very useful for children in life, so it is important to instill it as early as possible. In addition, you will have a good and useful time together.
- Support mom. Do not quarrel with your wife in front of children, your attitude is an example to follow. Be one team, if you disagree with your spouse about something, discuss it in private.
- Boost your child's self-esteem. Show your child that you appreciate him by spending time with him, teaching, praising his results and achievements.
The role of the father in family education
The most significant factor influencing the upbringing of the individual is the family. This is due to the fact that the child receives basic information about the world and about himself from his parents. In addition, parents have a unique opportunity to influence the child due to his physical, emotional and social dependence on them.
The family is a small primary group, which consists of persons connected by two types of relationships: marriage and kinship, which provides the individual with emotional stability, psychological and physical security and personal growth.
Father and mother realize various functions of education, which are due to a number of historical and cultural reasons.
The father in the modern Russian family plays one of the most striking roles in the upbringing of the child. On the one hand, the historical attitudes of the past dominate him, on the other hand, the father is increasingly becoming a full-fledged subject of education.
In the modern Russian family, the educational level of the father is increasing, which allows him to consciously and at a higher level conduct educational work with the child. In connection with the changing legal and economic relations in society, the status of the father in the family is changing. Although the proportion of incomplete families is still extremely high, in complete families the level of responsibility for raising children is increasing every year.
The role of the father in education is unique. F. Makhov, the author of one of the few books on education, which also discusses the role of the father (“Who are we raising?”), writes that the father (and the word is of the same root as the fatherland, fatherland) is the root of the family, indisputable authority. The most effective means has always been the word of the father, his reproachful look, and, if necessary, the father's belt. But that was how it was in the old patriarchal family. Now the father is a completely new face. The father responded to the loss of his leadership position by reducing his sense of responsibility for the family and children, which is completely logical. He does not feel like a support for the family, works less at home, has become more irritable, impulsive, scientifically speaking, his level of neuroticism has increased (which has always been considered a "privilege" of a woman); on the other hand, he grew interested in his appearance, as well as in the entertainment that leisure can give (most often to the detriment of cultural development and self-education). It is difficult to call such a person with the kind, old word "dad", he is more like a dad, or even a "dad", who, having lost his legislative role in the family, decided to reward himself with at least some conveniences.
The point of view on the position of the father in the family, apparently, should correspond to the conditions of a changing society. Judging by what we now know, the optimal influence on the child is not an authoritarian father, but a father who is confident in himself and in his position, knowledgeable and skillful, caring for the child, not embarrassed by the manifestations of his love for his wife and children, while at the same time capable of taking responsible decisions at the right time.
Having shown respect for the father, we know that respect is the key to his influence in the family and we will approach him as an equal participant in the pedagogical discussion, who has his own point of view and brings his absolutely irreplaceable shade to the game of interacting forces that form a growing person.
The social role of the father is difficult because its obviousness creates many traps in its development. G. S. Abramova highlights some of them:
· The trap of a simple goal is the refusal to realize the existential goal in the role of a father (“I feed, sing, dress, what else do you need?”).
· The expected obligation trap (“I am your father, so you must love and respect me”).
· The normality trap, or "everything is like people's" is the refusal to understand and accept the uniqueness of one's life and the lives of one's family members.
· The trap of the rightness of force, or “there is no reception against scrap” - an orientation towards forceful methods of resolving conflicts associated with a demonstration of force.
· The trap of age (“I’m still young, I want to take a walk”, “He’s still a child, let his mother mess with him”).
· The gift trap (“I buy him everything he wants”) is ignoring personal communication.
· The trap of the superiority of sex is the rejection of other, different from male, ways of solving life problems.
· The trap of the social value of sex ("Anyone will pick me up", "A man is needed everywhere") leads to the rejection of deep feelings.
· The trap of jealousy for children is the unwillingness to reckon with the fact that the wife belongs to children, the elderly, and other people in general.
TYPE OF EDUCATION FATHER
Scientists who study the problems of raising children in the family pay great attention to the relationship between the child and the mother, often forgetting about the existence of the father. Distrust of the male educator is manifested not only at the family level. An indicator of this mistrust is the abundance of female educators everywhere from kindergarten to university.
It is worth paying attention to the fact that, strangely enough, softer, more sensitive men are brought up in cultures where the father plays an important role in education. Conversely, among peoples where sons grow up under conditions of predominant or even exclusive female influence, men are warlike and aggressive. Later we will see that this seemingly paradoxical regularity is by no means only among primitive peoples. We see it in action every day around us.
PATRIARCHY
The patriarch is the head of the family, the father of the family, who concurrently performs the functions of a leader. Merging the roles of Father and Leader (as well as Father and Teacher) is a characteristic feature of patriarchal culture. In a primitive, pre-literate society, where there is no strong state power, the father may (or may not be) the head of the family - no more. The state, whether it be a monarchy or tyranny, makes the head of the family a pillar of power, forming a fragment of social relations in the family. Family members obey the father, as subjects of the monarch or dictator, and, further, like all people - to the one God, the Heavenly Father. Triad
Father - Ruler - God - the basis of the patriarchal ideology. Their relationship is mutual. On the one hand, the father (the real father of the family) is assigned the functions of a monarch in miniature, on the other hand, the ruler, and then God is also assigned paternal qualities: a combination of rigor and justice, the ability to resolve all conflicts “in a family way”.
Until now, even in such a “non-patriarchal” country as the United States, children tend to describe the generalized image of the father in approximately the same words as the president of the country. In Protestant culture, where the image of a stern God-father prevailed, he was invested in the heads of real fathers, forming an ideal relationship to his wife and children. Just as a small fragment of a holographic image contains the entire image, so the patriarchal family bears the properties of the patriarchal state and the cosmos. Society, family and the universe mutually model each other.
In a traditional Chinese family, respect for the father extends to the son, especially the eldest; from the age of four, he has been highly respected by women. No wonder in China the expression "big brother" can serve as a respectful address to any man.
In a traditional Japanese family, the father is even more distant from the children. He is, as one researcher writes, an honored guest in his own family. Through the father there is a spiritual thread that connects a person with the Emperor, the bearer of the divine essence.
The contrast of the traditional Eastern family, where respect and worship prevail, is represented by the traditional Latin American family, in which the dominance of an imperious, rude, cruel father is based on a specific cult of masculine strength. The father scorns "fussing with children", considering this occupation unworthy of a real man.
A father in a patriarchal German family spends a lot of time with his children (especially with his sons), rests, plays with them, constantly takes care of them. This does not prevent him from losing sight of strictness and discipline. Even in the mid-70s of our century, when one could speak of a patriarchal German family only in the past tense, children from Germany rated their fathers as much more authoritarian (but also more caring) than children from the USA. The attitude towards the father in the traditional German family is characterized by the word Ehrfurcht - “honor and fear”. The father cannot be wrong, and his word is the law (“the infallibility of the pope”). The mother also obeys him unquestioningly, in his presence approving his disciplinary measures, although in the absence of the father she is kind and affectionate with the children.
Fathers treat their children differently in these families. The role of punishment, especially physical punishment, is much higher in Western patriarchal families than in Eastern ones. Communication with children - from almost complete neglect of them, as in a traditional Mexican family, to attention and constant care - in a German one. However, in all cases there is one common feature: the father is at an unattainable height for the child, their relationship is strictly vertical, the father is, first of all, the authority, prototype and personification of the power that the child will unquestioningly obey when he grows up and becomes a father himself.
The transition to the capitalist mode of production marked the first blow to the traditional family. This received legal expression, in particular, in the legislation of the Great French Revolution, which freed the father from any responsibility for the maintenance of the family (during this period, by the way, juvenile delinquency increased sharply). In the early capitalist factories and factories, women were subjected to debilitating exploitation on an equal footing with men; child labor was also widely used. This made the division of family roles into male and female formal and to some extent brought the child closer to the father. However, this peculiar equality of the position of husband and wife in the proletarian family was equality in grief and poverty and led in the final analysis to the disintegration of the family.
The decomposition of parent-child relations in the conditions of a developing bourgeois society was perhaps best shown by the great Zola in his novels Germinal and The Trap.
With the improvement of the material side of the life of workers in industrial countries, the development of legislation prohibiting child labor and restricting female labor, the position of father and mother in relation to children again became asymmetrical. The traditions of patriarchy, emphasizing the importance of the father as the head of the family, breadwinner and protector, and the mother as the guardian of the hearth and educator of children, were not forgotten during this time. They were preserved primarily among the peasantry and could be restored to some extent. At the same time, on the one hand, the father got the opportunity to communicate with children outside of work: play with the baby, mess with his daughter - whereas before the father was mainly the son's educator, and then only from the moment when the son became old enough to continue his father's business .
On the other hand, it is this function of the father in the upbringing of the boy, the function expressed by the words “do as I do” (recall the unity of the roles of the Father and the Teacher in patriarchal culture), this function has been clearly lost in the developed societies of the 20th century.
The father is no longer the son's mentor, carefully guiding him through the still unsteady steps along the path of his craft - whether it be hunting (in a primitive society), peasant business (in a "classical" patriarchal culture) or a working profession (in a society of developing industry).
Now the father (worker or employee) is separated from the child. He spends whole days “somewhere out there”, at work, and this work is some kind of mysticism, something completely incomprehensible to a child, having neither color nor smell. At school, the child learns not at all what his father does; the classical continuity "the son is the heir of my cause" is a thing of the past; the gap between the role of the Father and the role of the Teacher became evident. To the same extent, the role of the Father has completely lost its previously inherent features of the Leader. The democratization of all forms of social life (including family relations), characteristic of modern cultures, immediately devalues the disciplining function of the father in the family, reduces the significance of punishment as a specifically male means of education.
The famous American psychiatrist E. Fromm, the author of the recently translated book “To be or to have”, analyzing the traditional family, singled out paternal and maternal approaches to children as two fundamentally different types of love. A father's love is demanding. She strives for justice, for loving the child in accordance with his merits - no more, but no less. A mother's love is blind and does not know justice. The mother loves the child only because he exists, because he is her child. It requires no merit; handsome and ugly. smart and stupid, hard worker and lazy - all are equally worthy of maternal love.
(Of course, this description refers to the ideal types of paternal and maternal love. The relationship of specific mothers and fathers to their children can only approach these types to one degree or another. Paternal and maternal love, according to E. Fromm, are rather two poles, between which are the real feelings of real people.)
According to E. Fromm, for normal development, any person needs both paternal and maternal love. A person needs a fair assessment of his merits, his real successes and merits; but on the other hand, it also needs unconditional acceptance and understanding. Any shift towards the predominance of one of the types of love - paternal or maternal - leads to a violation of behavior.
