She had an unrealistic ability to negotiate. The art of negotiation: basic rules. How to negotiate with people? Tough negotiations: what to do if your partner is cooler than you

There is nothing pleasant in persuading a stubborn person to do what you need. Trying to negotiate with a stubborn person can be frustrating and exhausting, whether it's your work colleague or your own mother. But when you understand that the reason for their stubbornness is the fear that you might hurt their ego, as well as the fear of trying something new, it will become easier for you to calm their anxiety and make sure that they hear your point of view. So, how do you negotiate with a stubborn person so that you do not have to tear your hair out? Just read on.

Steps

Flatter the pride of the stubborn

Start with a bit of flattery. One of the reasons stubborn people act the way they do is because they just can't stand being wrong. They believe that they know the right solutions for absolutely all situations, and therefore react sensitively when someone tells them that there is another way to achieve a result; they perceive differences of opinion as an attack on their personality, even if you did not want any harm. So when you talk to a stubborn person, start the conversation with a bit of flattery to make him/her feel comfortable. Just make sure you look sincere and not like you're just sucking up to get yours. Here are examples of how you can get started:

Show that you value their opinion. The other thing you have to do to negotiate with stubborn people is acknowledge their position and show that you also think their ideas are great. They don't have to decide that you think their idea is completely stupid, useless, and poorly thought out (even if that's how you feel), otherwise your chances of them listening to you will drop to zero. Repeat the position of the stubborn one and make it clear that you find a lot of positive things in what he says; in this way, he will understand that you value him or her, as well as his or her ideas. This will make the person much more open towards you. Here are some things you might say:

• "I think going to an Italian restaurant is a great idea. I love gnocchi and a great selection of wine. But..."
• "I know we didn't have the best time that time with Dima and Zoya, and you're right about them, they did act a little strange. But I really think we should give the guys a second chance."
• "Moving from St. Petersburg to Moscow will really give us many advantages - there is a better metro network and more places where you can spend time, besides, we will be closer to our friends. But there is another side ..."

1. Don't tell the person they're wrong. The last thing a stubborn person wants to hear is that they are wrong. Never say things like "You're looking at the situation from the wrong side" or "Yes, you just don't understand, but do you understand?". And definitely don't say "How can you be so wrong?". This will remove the person from you, and he or she will completely close off from you. Make it clear that you find the ideas the person gives you great and that you think them through carefully. They might work great in a different situation, but it's just that right now you want to do it your way. Make this point very clear.

   • Say something like "We all have great ideas" or "There are many points of view on this situation" to show that your interlocutor is "equally like you" right.

2. Show him how your solution will benefit him. Stubborn people are often stubborn only because they are too preoccupied with themselves and what their decision will bring them benefits, and how they can do what they want. Therefore, if you want to flatter such a person a little and convince him that your solution suits him, you must show how this solution is useful for him, even if it may seem a little unexpected. He will experience more interest and be more likely to give up. Here are a few things you might say:

   • "I'd like to try the new sushi bar down the avenue. Remember when you said you were crazy about fried ice cream? I heard they have an incredible selection of it at the restaurant."
   • "We will have fun talking with Dima and Zoya, and what's more, I heard that Dima has an extra ticket for the concert on Saturday, and that he is looking for someone to go with. I know you are ready to die for that concert."
   • "If we stay in St. Petersburg, we will save on renting an apartment. We can use this money to go to Spain this summer, if, of course, you are interested."

3. Make the person think they came up with the idea. This is another trick that will help you convince a stubborn person to do what you need. Have the person decide in the course of the conversation that he/she actually came up with the idea themselves, or that they discovered an important aspect of why this particular idea is optimal. Thanks to this, your stubborn will feel pride in himself, and will believe that he still does what he wants. This may not be an easy task, but if you succeed, you will be surprised how much more comfortable your interlocutor will feel. Here are a few things you might say:

   • "That's a great idea! I forgot how much I love plum wine. The sushi bar probably has it."
   • "You're right - we might just be meeting up with Zoya and Dima this weekend. And you're saying Saturday night would be the best for you, right?"
   • "You are absolutely right - I will miss our St. Petersburg smelt very much if we move to Moscow."

   Persuade him

   1. Be firm. The reason stubborn people often stand their ground is because they are used to other people stepping back and letting them do what they want. This can be for a variety of reasons: you may be afraid that the stubborn person will throw a temper tantrum or sulk if you don't do what they want, you may not have the strength to resist or stand your ground, or you may decide that it is more important for your interlocutor to insist on his own than for you. But remind yourself that the person is being dishonest by using such tactics, and that you have the right to insist that this time it's your way.

      • If the person gets nervous, or you see that he is upset, slow down until the interlocutor cools down, but you don’t need to say “Okay, okay, do what you want, just don’t cry” – this way the stubborn one will understand that he can force you to give up by manipulating your feelings.
      • Being firm means sticking to your position and offering rational, logical arguments for why your idea is important. This does not mean behaving aggressively, shouting and calling names. Stubborn people are already on the defensive, and this behavior on your part will make them feel even more in danger.

   2. Provide him with information. Stubborn people are often frightened by the unknown. They may not want to do something just because they have never done it before and are not used to breaking habitual patterns. The more you talk about the situation, the more comfortable the person will feel. He will understand that there is nothing wrong with what you are offering, because he will know what will happen next. Here are some sample phrases you can say:

      • "The new sushi bar has a great selection of sashimi. It's also much cheaper than Italian food. They also have an amazing huge TV and we can still catch the end of the game while we eat."
      • "Zoya and Dima have the cutest dog in the world - you'll love it. By the way, Dima makes his own homemade beer and they have a great selection. They live 15 minutes away, so we'll get there quickly."
      • "Do you know that renting an apartment in Moscow is several times more expensive than in St. Petersburg? How can we afford it?"

   3. Show him why this is important to you. If your stubborn person cares about you, he/she will at least need to listen to why the things you talk about are so important to you. This will help a person to see the situation on a human level and understand that it is about something more than who is right and who is not; it's about giving you what you really need. If you are in a relationship with this person, showing him that it will make you happy is a very good move. Here is an example of what you could say:

      • "I've been dreaming about sushi for a week now. Please, can we go? I can always go with Marina, but it won't be as fun as with you."
      • "I really wish I could spend more time with Zoya and Dima. You know I used to be lonely where I used to live and it's great to have more friends now."
      • "I will gladly move to Moscow, but next year. Now I need to work on this place in order to get a good experience."

   4. Remind him that it's your turn now. If you have to constantly negotiate with the same stubborn person, then most likely you have constantly given up before. It's time to stomp your foot and remind the person of everything you've been inferior to them, whether it's big things or small concessions. You can do this without making the person feel terrible, and really show them the big picture and that it's time for you to get what you want. Here are examples of what you might say:

      • "The last 5 times we went to a restaurant you chose. Can I make a choice today?"
      • "We've been hanging out with your friends instead of my last three weekends. Can we give my friends a chance this time?"
      • "Remember, it was your idea to move to St. Petersburg. Well, now I decide to stay."

   5. Bargain or compromise. You may not get exactly what you want, but you can force a stubborn person to meet your needs. By bargaining with a person or looking for a compromise, you will convince him to do what you want, and without an absolute surrender of positions. If the person is truly stubborn, then treating them like a child may be the solution, and you won't convince the person to go along with your plans completely. Here are a few things you can say:<

      • "Okay, we'll go to an Italian restaurant today. But then that means we'll go to a sushi bar tomorrow, okay?"
      • "How about meeting Zoya and Dima in a cafe instead of going to their house for dinner? We still have a little chat with them, but we don't have to spend the whole evening there."
      • "I'm ready to move to Kyiv. It's cheaper than St. Petersburg, and there's always a lot going on there."

   6. Keep calm. If you really want to negotiate with a stubborn person, and you have at least some chance of getting your own, don't let your emotions get the better of you. If you show outward signs of frustration or even anger, the stubborn will think that he has won, since you cannot control yourself. Breathe deeply, slow down, or even leave the room for a couple of minutes if you feel yourself starting to boil. A stubborn person is much more likely to listen to you if you act calm and collected than if you become angry and crazy.<

      • It's easy to lose your temper when negotiating with someone who doesn't want to agree with you or even change their mind. But remind yourself that the more likely you are to lose your temper, the less likely you are to be heard.

   7. Don't tell him he's stubborn. The last thing a stubborn person wants to hear is that they are stubborn. Stubborn people are defensive and, well, they're stubborn, so if you even say that word in front of them, they'll shut down and probably won't change their behavior. Do not say: "Why are you so stubborn?" - otherwise your interlocutor will simply stop listening to you. Resist the temptation to say the word, even if it's already on your tongue.

   8. Find common ground. By finding common ground, you can help the person see the situation from your perspective. Stubborn people act like they're against everyone, but if you convince them that you are like them, then you increase the likelihood that they will hear your point of view, which is different from theirs. Here are some phrases you can say:

      • "I fully agree that we have productivity issues in our company. Definitely we need to find a solution for this. In any case, I believe that we have more problems with employee dissatisfaction than with a new project that we approved."
      • "I agree, all the people we interacted with were a little weird and boring. But if we don't give new people a chance, we'll never find the ones you and I really like!"

   Fix the result

   1. Lead the person to change little by little. If you need to negotiate with a stubborn person in the long run, then you should know that stubborn people do not like to dive headlong into the unknown. They like to wet their toes first and move back slowly. Therefore, if you want to convince a familiar stubborn person to try something new, you must offer him the idea of ​​gradually trying until he is completely comfortable with the situation.

      • For example, if your friend is possessive and doesn't like your new art class friends, then have him meet your new friends one at a time and for a short amount of time rather than throwing him into your new friends' group; this approach will make your friend more interested in the new social circle.
      • If you're trying to convince your roommate/roommate to keep it clean, then start by simply washing the dishes every other day. After that, you can discuss taking out the trash more often, vacuuming the carpets, and so on.

   2. Choose what to fight for. This is the key to how to negotiate with stubborn people. In a certain situation, you can force them to give up, you can even convince them to make some pretty significant changes. One way or another, if a person is genuinely stubborn, it is very doubtful that he will give in to your requests too often. If you're having a hard time getting what you want out of a stubborn person, then only discuss the things that really matter to you.

      • It's possible that it doesn't really matter to you which movie theater you go to tonight; and yet, you probably care about where you go for spring break. Save your energy for this.

   3. Break the stereotype of constantly surrendering your positions. A stubborn person may keep pushing his or her own because you have always given up. If you have never refused, why do you require a person to change? So next time start negotiating something, even if it's just a movie theater choice, tell the person you'll go yourself or go home if it doesn't work out the way you want. This will surprise the stubborn one, and most likely, he will give up or begin to think of you as a person who is not so easy to manipulate.

      • If you don't give up so easily, the stubborn person will actually respect you more and value your opinion more.

   4. Don't beg or talk like you're desperate. It's a bad idea for a person to accept your point of view, no matter how much you want your way. If you feel like you've exhausted all your options and resources, just walk away. There is no point in descending into begging and whining, and not only will this not work with a stubborn person, but it will also humiliate you a little.

      • If you want to convince a stubborn person to do something, you must use a rational approach. An emotional approach will actually make the stubborn one even less likely to agree.

Reading time: 3 min

The life of people in society is full of all sorts of situations, including conflicts. Social scientists note that this phenomenon or even a feature is quite natural. Disagreement of points of view of different people on the same problem and ways to solve it is natural. At the same time, it often turns out that one problem requires its solution by several people or a whole team at once, since it affects the interests of many people. In such a situation, one cannot do without the ability to negotiate, that is, to search for a mutually acceptable solution through joint efforts. Otherwise, public relations at different levels run the risk of turning into a continuous unresolvable conflict.

The art of communication

Any serious (and most importantly, financial) work position requires the person occupying it to be able to communicate with different people, that is, to negotiate. There are professions in which a positive outcome of negotiations will not only attract new partners or allow the negotiator to enrich himself financially, he will save human lives. For example, talented negotiators are invited to the most important events: to negotiate with terrorists about the fate of hostages, to become an arbitrator in a local interstate political conflict.

All public professions require the development of diplomatic art - the ability to negotiate. This category includes politicians, businessmen, artists. They often have to communicate with different people and answer various uncomfortable questions, but in line with their profession, they are required to master the psychological techniques of self-control and communication with others.

However, anyone can learn to resolve a dispute. Every self-respecting person should get out of a conflict situation, diplomatically resolving the problem and preserving his reputation. arises in any area, it can affect relationships in the family, work team, on the street (in any public place). Even minor domestic quarrels require their competent resolution. Therefore, you need to prepare for such situations in advance in order to always use the ability to negotiate correctly.

Development of the ability to negotiate

If a person decides to accustom himself to the peaceful resolution of possible conflict situations, he must develop a plan, paint it, remember and train the ability to negotiate with people daily.

Here you can use the following method:

1. The conversation needs time.

2. It is necessary to prepare conditions in advance.

3. Express your own arguments and let the interlocutor speak.

4. Come to a mutually beneficial solution.

Diplomacy is an art that needs to be learned. There is one common problem that requires the solution of several people, so first of all it is worth realizing that the parties are equal both in terms of the problem and in terms of finding a solution to it. The interests of each side must be observed, and the final decision must be based on consensus, but not the goodwill of one participant.

To be able to agree is, in aggregate, a correctly expressed own position on this issue, a listened to the opinion of a counterpart, respect for him, taking into account his psychological characteristics, and a benevolent attitude. It is important to work together to find a solution. However, before calling someone to cooperate, you need to clearly articulate your own expectations. At the same time, expressing your goals, you need to argue them. The scheme of the message to the interlocutor has the following form: "I want" + a reasonable continuation of "You do it." For example, how can a parent agree with a child: “I want your behavior at school and at home to change for the better” + “You need to have your own opinion, but be sure to listen to the opinion of elders (teachers and parents).”

It is obvious that when developing a compromise solution, it is necessary to find out the opinion of the interlocutor about what is offered to him and what he himself wants to get as a result. At the same time, one should not push through one's position, but prove its effectiveness with the help of facts, examples, and common sense.

The basis of a future agreement is a compromise, as well as the ability to understand, the ability to listen and hear, to defend one's opinion. Each side has its own interests, desires, which are transformed and modified in the process of negotiations. The result is a solution that will suit everyone interested in it. Achieving a common agreement is possible through a compromise, that is, through certain concessions.

It is important to understand that finding a compromise is a very difficult task. To master the art of negotiating, first of all, you need to work on yourself, your own reactions, develop the skills of patience, endurance, self-control. It is necessary to think in advance of the concessions that are likely to be needed in developing a solution that benefits everyone. You should not get hung up on trifles and mutual reproaches, insults, you need to focus on the main thing.

Stages of preparing the negotiation process

The ability to find a compromise and, on its basis, come to an agreement is a really difficult task, the skills for which you need to constantly develop in yourself. Even the most experienced negotiators prepare for the next meeting in advance, think through every detail.

As the researchers note, before agreeing with another person, you must first set yourself up, agree with yourself. You can even prepare yourself with the "teacher's" method, that is, write down everything you need. The fixed new knowledge (in fact, the algorithm of future actions) will serve as the foundation for self-preparation.

You need to sincerely answer the following questions:

1. “How to understand the interlocutor and what prevents me from doing this?”

2. "How to distinguish neutral emotions and feelings from negative / positive?"

3. "How to find an approach to a specific person that can help?"

After the first stage - self-preparation, you should take up the second stage, the preparation of the process of the future conversation itself.

Simple Rules and Techniques for Developing Negotiation Skills

The first rule in preparing for negotiations is to respect the parity of the parties. It is not for nothing that the stable expression “gather at a round table” appeared. That is, no one initially occupies a more advantageous position in relation to other participants, does not exert pressure by their status (social, professional, material, age, gender).

Before starting the procedure for reaching an agreement, it is necessary not to lose for a second the idea that the main goal is to find a compromise. Therefore, communication under any set of circumstances should be correct, polite.

Basic rules for negotiating:

1. Everyone speaks freely, no one interrupts anyone and listens to the thought to the end.

2. You must respect your counterpart.

3. It is unacceptable to put pressure on the opponent, to impose one's opinion, to threaten.

4. It is worth focusing on the positive aspects of the conversation: talk about achievements, advantages.

5. The main "tool" of the negotiator is a convincing argument, undeniable facts, a calm and restrained tone of communication.

6. Relying on diplomatic techniques, you can save face and be able to negotiate even with a difficult interlocutor.

7. Do not neglect improvisation, but do not place serious hopes on it either.

The most typical example is the almost unresolvable "fathers and sons". When an adult child has his own interests, study often fades into the background. Any responsible parent sets a goal - to return the good academic performance of the child. The obvious actions of a parent are a conversation that should end with a certain agreement. To find a compromise, it is necessary to find out the reasons for such behavior, motives, and take into account the interests of the child. Be sure to need additional information about the interlocutor, it is easier to agree. It is also useful to simply imagine yourself in his place and realize his psychological state. When the picture appears in full, you need to start looking for a compromise.

Practical advice from professionals (according to W. Urey)

1. The golden rule written in the Bible: "Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you."

2. Self-control is a sure way to success. The main thing is not to fall below the level of your own dignity, not to become like aggressive interlocutors.

3. You should not blame your opponent for your own failures, you just need to always have a fallback final agreement, which will be a good alternative to the initially desired result.

4. No need to perceive the future conversation as a fight or war, it is better to tune in to positive and friendly communication.

5. It is necessary to always use the moment, not to remember or predict, but to act on the basis of the present, to be in today.

6. You must respect any interlocutor with whom you need to agree. You always need to be friendly, sympathetic, endearing. So the reputation will not be blackened.

7. You should always focus on the positive outcome of the conversation for all participants. It is necessary to avoid the “zero-sum game”, that is, when one wins exactly as much as the other loses, and vice versa. Everyone must win in the end, and an agreement will be reached.

Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"

No matter how cool a specialist you are, no matter how much you have worked as a freelancer, it is always difficult to voice your price. You always worry about whether you take a little or a lot, whether the client will turn around when he hears the cost of your services, and whether he will go looking for a cheaper one.

Today we will tell you how to negotiate with the customer about the price of your services.

Remember that you need to be moderately firm, but not push; Moderately compliant, but do not go on about.

You need to competently conduct correspondence (or conversation). Remember simple but effective tricks.

Focus on the customer benefit first.

If you write down not your advantages, but exactly the BENEFITS for the client from cooperation with you, he will be ready to pay a large amount. It’s just that the customer must understand what advantages he will receive by purchasing your services. And who else will explain it to him, if not you?

Do not operate on false or unverified facts

How I sometimes want to tell you that I have already helped a thousand customers to increase their profits tenfold! But you yourself understand that this is a lie, and your client also understands this. And therefore will look at you as a scammer.

Do not give any figures or facts unless you know for certain that they are true.

Do not add other people's work to your portfolio - this is not only copyright infringement. If this does not bother you, then think about the fact that sooner or later this may be revealed, and your reputation will be hopelessly damaged.

Also check everything that the client tells you - he, too, can fill his own price, and turn out to be zero without a wand. Bluffing in order to get a discount or better service is one of the most common customer tricks. And in the end, they may not pay at all.

Give exact numbers, not round numbers

If you, again, cite some numbers as an argument for your value, do not round them. Name exact. Because round ones suggest that you are fake, or you took them from the ceiling. And back up each number with arguments - why the cost is exactly what it includes.

Do not rush to extremes - some freelancers name the price like supermarkets - 999 rubles, for example. In our field, this does not work, but only causes a smile. Or suspicion.

Do not rush to give a discount

The buyer always wants to save money and pay less. Even if the services or product are excellent, and he has more than enough money. It is quite logical that they will bargain with you.

Don't follow the client. Take on board the experience of sellers in the oriental bazaar. They never give change - they fill up the goods. They'll put you a few more pinches of spices. They will give you another orange or a handful of nuts. But not money.

So do you - offer an additional free service for the same money. Think in advance what package of services you can offer if you are asked for a discount.

But always describe the free service as if it were very valuable. Much more expensive than any discounts.

Never believe the empty promises of the client

How often we are told (and written in projects): if we like to cooperate, we will pay more. What if you don't like it? So plow for a penny then? Either do not agree to this, or ask a clarifying question - when exactly can we expect a price increase? After how many written articles/drawn layouts? If there is no clear answer - turn off, nothing shines for you here.

Several psychological tricks

Joke (appropriately), compliment (but in a way that does not look feigned or ingratiating). Do everything to show that you are committed to long-term cooperation, and in general it is a pleasure to do business with you. The backlash will not keep you waiting.

If you see that the client is trying to pressure you, say that you need time to think. So you can calmly weigh the pros and cons, and make the best decision. Calm, not emotional.

If the client starts insulting you (“... you are all gouging freelancers and want a lot of money”), it is better to stop this dialogue. You will be calmer.

Try to record everything that was discussed with the client. Even if it is not yet the conclusion of a contract for the provision of services. Then it may turn out that you have to prove your case - you need to have evidence on hand.

And the most important rule of any contracts: if you are under pressure, you are insulted, or the client begins to count every penny, it is better to refuse such cooperation.

The boors who do not immediately appreciate you, who are prejudiced against you because you are a freelancer, are not worthy of rendering services to them. This money will be earned really with sweat and blood - all the juices will be pulled out of you.

You are not a slave, but a free artist - remember this. And you are free to choose with whom to work and with whom not.

If the customer is a greedy person, it will also be uncomfortable to work with him. He will calculate the commission to the penny, and he will torture you with corrections.

Choose your clients wisely. Nerve cells don't regenerate, and money can't buy peace of mind.

Who does not know how to negotiate, lives either alone, or has constant conflicts.

General requirement - mental health. Here we will include a positive worldview, not a tendency to defend, possession of a calm presence, (focusing not on oneself, but on a partner).

The ability to negotiate consists of the following lines:

1. Find out what your partner wants.
2. Be able to clearly articulate what you want, what you need. Formulate (at least for yourself) this positively and clearly. Not “what doesn’t suit me”, but “what I want”, and not in general “so that everything is fine with us” and “so that you treat me carefully”, but “I want you not to interrupt me (went for groceries )". Look Specificity in requests
3. speak out without conflictogens, even more so without rudeness - whatever the emotions and states.
4. Position, even better - format family WE. Without a struggle for power, without revenge, with a desire to take into account the interests of both sides.

Anyone who tried to negotiate with love (performing the exercise "If I loved"), everyone confirms: against this background, it is always easier to negotiate. A very practical exercise!

The right to mental protection

In civilized families, within the framework of the ability to negotiate, it is recognized the right to mental health protection: We raise difficult, unpleasant and painful topics only for constructive discussion, and, as a rule, in writing. Cm.